You know, I’m sick, so I’m already on threadbare nerves. Little tiny things that normally wouldn’t bother me seem so much more irritating through a haze of headaches and a volley of vomit. Then there are the things that always annoy me, making these largely annoying things into massively annoying things. The latest: onions. Mind you, I don’t like onions, not even a little. I tolerate their presence in lots of foods like soups and salsa, but to be honest, I’d just rather they not be there. I hate their texture, I dislike their consistency, I am repulsed by their stingy smell, and I’m not really even a fan of their flavor. Fsck onions, fsck them in their stupid arses.

We don’t eat out a whole lot, but lately we’ve hit a few burger joints–Rally’s and Burger King. Whenever I get a Big Buford or a Whopper Junior, I immediately ask for NO ONIONS. I don’t like them, and I don’t want to eat them regardless of whatever idiot decided that burgers should have onions on them says. I could care less what the “designers” of these sandwiches thinks; I don’t want and stupid riggin’-friggin’ daggummed onions on my bleepin’ sandwich!!! So I always order them sans oignons (except in English ’cause I’m sure that ordering in French would just get me an extra amount of the vegetable I hate). However, the last three burgers I’ve gotten from these two places have had onions on them regardless of our remonstrations against them. Sometimes the onions are just “accidentally” mixed in with the lettuce since they’re obviously so f#$%ing similar, but this last time, they didn’t even bother attempting to keep from putting onions on there despite the fact that the drive-thru window and receipt both read “no onions.” I already feel like throwing up. Having to sticky-up my fingers picking stinky onions off my blasted burger doesn’t make the nausea any better. I HATE ONIONS!!! The more often this happens, the more I hate onions and hate everything about them and everyone who loves them. I HATE THEM!!!

And you know, I used to work in fast food. I understand occasionally messing up orders and how ingredients on back-lines can get kind of mixed up, but you know, if you’re paying any small amount of attention at all you can see the onions that get dropped in the lettuce tray and you can clearly see them on the sandwich. I have a feeling they just grabbed the nearest Whopper Junior sitting on the shelf and tossed it in the bag. It wasn’t even marked as having no onions like they often do (regardless of how many onions are actually on the sandwich still) and it was cold so it probably wasn’t supposed to be mine, though I suspect even if I had gotten my burger there would have still been an onion or two on it. I think I’m most annoyed at Rally’s because the previous two burgers I had were from there and both had onions despite our request for their absence. Once is a mistake, twice is sheer laziness. I’m so tempted to just start being an obnoxious nagger that they be sure there’s no onions. I’m going to have to start checking my sandwiches before we pull out of drive, and if I see one onion on my sandwich, I’m handing it back and demanding another. I’m so sick of this. I HATE ONIONS and I shouldn’t have to waste the heat of my sandwich picking them all off and I shouldn’t have to waste a ton of napkins cleaning my fingers either. I don’t want to start asking for no onions or lettuce since lettuce tends to be the medium by which onions sneak in, because lettuce is my favorite food. I just…I just hate onions so much. I hate them and I hate the fact that fast food places can’t keep them out of places where they’re not wanted. I HATE THEM! And all this rage probably isn’t helping my illness. I’m gonna go lie down now.