I finally realized that I need a break. I need one badly. It hadn't really occured to me that I have no free time and that what little "free time" I do take could more wisely be used doing that much more work. I think what made me realize that I have no free time, no life whatsover, is that I have ceased my random musings and ponderings about life, people, cats, the color green, etc. and have replaced my usually quite chaotic mind with a much more organized, structured one. Now, I'm not saying that I'm always going to make sense (because we all know that ain't about to happen) or that random things won't still pop out of my head. What I am saying is that the time I used to spend being random has been scheduled in between everything else that's going on. I have to mentally schedule time to be myself! When I think, it's not "blah blah blah work blah blah blah class blah blah blah homework," it's "get up, work, class, work, teach, eat, teach, work, homework, lesson plans, paper, grading, groceries, laundry, etc." The "blah blahs" are gone! My brain has chunked my days up into sessions where my mind must shift between modes, never allowing myself the creative mental meanderings that so many people find so endearing. I feel like I'm becoming a drone, a robot, an automaton… I don't feel like my usual insane self, and that depresses me. I pride myself on my fascinatingly broken mind, and now that it's set in a rather fixed order, it's not nearly as much fun being me.
What a dilemma. I think that the only solution would be to take a break from doing all these lesson plans, grading all these papers, writing all these essays, doing all these workbook exercises, studying for all these tests and quizzes, cleaning all this stuff, and in general being all this busy. Of course, there's no way I am going to get a break at all this semester. I just looked at my calendar, and the next chance I'm going to get to breathe will be in December…after finals are over and grades are turned in. Yikes!
Posted: September 27, 2004 at 3:17 pm, exactly 13 minutes before I have to be at work again.
CUUUUUURSE!!!:
May you live in interesting times – Chinese curse
Uh, wow.:
Someone's been smoking crack recently, and with as busy as I am, it hasn't been me! Hehe.
:
Hey, been wondering when you'd finally realize something of the sort 🙂 Here's to finding time to daydream. What's life without a few dreams here and there? You could perhaps designate travel time as thought time?
Hmm…:
Travel time as thought time… I hadn't thought about that. Travel time is normally "sing really badly with the radio" or "curse at other drivers for a while 'cause they can't hear me" time, but "thinking" time might work there too. 🙂
Suuuuuuuurffff…. Tuuuuurrrrrfff….:
Sorry, more Love Mummy.
?:
I'm still confused as to what the Love Mummy from ATHF has to do with me taking a break, but it probably has a lot to do with the fact that my friends are insane… Hehe.
Normal:
Just a by product of hanging with you these last few years. But it's a welcome one.