There are actually two things which have induced me to get my hate on, and one of them I consider a staple so getting up in arms about it isn&#039t anything new for me. The other one? Well, the other one is more due to a series of unfortunate events outside of my control yet which are still infuriating. Let&#039s start with number two because it eventually gets around to number one.

I&#039m sure most of you remember the psychotic problems that the husband and I had with our computers this past winter and spring. I decided it was time to upgrade Uriel by building a new computer, and the husband followed suit replacing Staid with Knave. I did my usual &#034back every damned thing up on CD&#034 thing with Uriel so that I wouldn&#039t lose anything when we wiped the hard drive for the new OS and hardware. Not long after getting Brannagh up and running, the hard drive died mercilessly, which was, I suppose, not a major loss because I hadn&#039t had a lot of time to accumulate documents, pictures, games, and whatnots on there for very long. After getting the new hard drive up and running, the processor died and I was left without a computer for some time until we got Buster who really only has a collection of comics and some homework but no major documents (i.e., my story or poetry) to speak of. So, the processor gets back, I&#039m up and running with Brannagh again and her network card died so that I couldn&#039t access the network (i.e., our server Brigid) or the internet. Dippy.

This whole thing spans months so that my desk has had the chance to be covered, uncovered, re-covered, recovered, covered some more, discovered again, and finally just hexed with my undying hate for my own messes. I recently came across my desk again (having organized it) and decided that I wanted to work on my novel some. Nothing major, just wanted to type up some more of the story. Well, as it has been months since I last worked on it (as is seen at the bottom of Chapter 8 since October), it wouldn&#039t be on either new computer but on a CD since the computers have put me through so much hell since then.

Now, I may not be the most organized person. Some might even say I&#039m the least organized person they know. However, when it comes to making back-up disks of my documents, pictures, etc., I am anal retentive beyond repair and write not only what&#039s on the CD but also the date I burned it using a Sharpee so that it is indelible. What happens to the CDs once they&#039re scorched with the trappings of my computer? Usually, they end up on a spindle or in one of those binder thingies so I can keep them localized. When I went to find my story, I went for the most recent back-up of Uriel before he was switched over to Brannagh. I found a CD from 2005 with my SIMS saves and another from the same year with other game saves, and that&#039s it. The most recent back-up of my documents is from August 2004, before I updated the novel. Now I start getting my hate-on real bad not only for the computers and the fact that I&#039ve had so many problems with them and they&#039re causing only more, but that familiar self-loathing comes back as I think about how cluttered my life is and how retarded I am on a regular basis.

Do I still have the paper copies of my novel and my notes? Sure. Couldn&#039t I just copy over the last chapter from the webpage so I don&#039t have to re-type the whole thing? With some editing, yeah, that&#039s possible. Am I still royally pissed off at the idea that maybe, just maybe I&#039ve lost some notes which were typed onto the computer instead of being written out first or that my editing and formatting are all gone? Hell yes. I fucking piss me off because I can&#039t keep track of a simple CD and because I can&#039t keep my desk neat, and I piss myself off more because I acutally sometimes listen to people who say &#034Why do you write it all out longhand? Why not type it into the computer since that&#039s where it&#039s going anyway?&#034 THIS IS FUCKING WHY MY NOVEL IS WRITTEN IN A FUCKING PAPER NOTEBOOK, and I&#039ll fucking tear the next person&#039s head off who suggests that I go straight to the computer to type up the rest of it instead of writing it out longhand first. This shit fucking irritates the piss outta me, and I&#039m not gonna listen to &#034Oh, then make copies on the server in addition to the CDs&#034 because the fucking goddamned server doesn&#039t even have the 2004 copies, only the 2003 copies which is seven chapters shy. And then what happens when the server goes down? What about my jumpdrive? Keep it there? What if it up and dies like Ian&#039s did a while back? @#$%^&* computers!

So now you see why I&#039ve got my hate on today and why I&#039m going to fucking read a goddamned book today at work rather than work on my novel. Fuck this shit. The irony is that I&#039m using a @#$%^&* computer to bitch about all this.