Before the rant, I just wanna say sorry for not being able to finish yesterday's rant. I just couldn't.
Onto the rant: I hate Spring. As if the pastels weren't enough and then the Easter thing reminding me that this country is run by Christians (which means being an athiest accpeted by society at large will never see the light of day) wasn't hellish enough (though I do like hard-boiled eggs), I get stuck with some sort of Seasonal Affective Disorder which affects damn near everything I do.
Generally this is worst when I'm actually out walking in it and am forced to reconcile with the weather. When the wind is cold and bitter outside, so am I (hence today's mood). I walk back and forth between work and home a lot, and when it's raining, I just feel like crying the entire way home. Hell, when it's really just heavily grey and feels like it's going to rain, I feel like crying. No reason for it; just happens. You would think that when it's thunderstorming (which it will be doing a lot of soon because this is Indiana/tornado alley), I'd be really depressed and agitated, but oddly, that's when I get very energetic and excited. Guess it's just too much weather going on and I get overstimulated. Hell, I don't know. There's nothing scientific about any of this; it's just how I am.
So, sunny days, you assume, I am happy and cheerful and full of energy, right? After all, people with SAD have it because of the fluctuations in the amount of sunlight we receive. Well, yes and no to the happy thing. Some days, I'm just normal, calm, boring when it's sunny out. Some days, I'm manic-hyper and can't be scraped off the ceiling. Those two variations tend to occur in the summer though. In spring? Fuck, all bets are off. I can be anything on a sunny day, but most likely it's depressed. Strange, huh? We'll go through yesterday's weather and my moods as an example of how much SAD sucks ass in the spring because the weather's so crazy.
Early in the morning, I got up groggily because of this stupid cold/allergy/whatever and I haven't been sleeping well. I had a bunch of energy though after I got moving because there was sun coming through the windows. Yay, sun!! I drove to work (a rarity, but I needed the van to move books), and cheerily walked to my office and was in a relatively good mood. I left the office around 9:30 to run some errands, and while I was out, it got really windy and cloudy, somewhat cold. Mood dropped to "Rrr, stupid stupid stupid" for everything, and I was generally pissy. Yay, clouds? At 11:30 I went to the French Table and it was sunny again. Mood rises up to "generally decent." Yay, sun! I spent part of the afternoon after that running around campus a bit more, then I worked in my office on research until 4:00. On my way over to Tony's office, it was sunny. Walking over, I got more and more morose. Not depressed, necessarily, but morose. Tony had a student in his office, so I flopped down on the bench near a tree which I liked last year, and moped. No reason for it; I just felt sad. Yay, sun? Felt like that until I got indoors for a while and Tony cheered me up. When I left and after running to the library, it was still sunny but it was lower in the sky, and I was driving home so I didn't feel it as much. Back to indifferent/a little manic from running around. Insane? Yes. Damn weather. I hate it. I can't wait until more stable Summer.