For those of you who know me (or have been reading this page a while), you know that I am addicted to caffeine. Not only am I addicted to this bitter substance, I write poetry about it, draw pictures about it, and I have even cross-stitched little funny things about it. I am hooked. One of my friends refers to it as &#034sweet lady C,&#034 but I know better. Caffeine is bitter and harsh and it punishes me when I try to stop drinking it. I was flipping through web sites while the husband tried to figure out why Theif 3 wouldn&#039t run on my system, and I came across this &#034You know you&#039re addicted to … if …&#034 site and had to chuckle at the one about caffeine. So here&#039s a list of the ones that I found most humorous and/or which apply directly to myself. Though I have to admit that I switched all the &#034coffee&#034 references to &#034tea&#034 because coffee&#039s gross and tea is awesome.

You know you&#039re addicted to caffeine when:

Your next-door neighbors often call to complain about the sound of your chattering teeth.

Instead of Tic Tacs, you suck on Vivarin.

On the way to work you get pulled over for speeding and you don&#039t even have your car.

You kill a guy for trying to switch your regular Earl Grey to decaffinated herbal tea.

You drink so much tea it starts shooting out your ears.

You think sleep is for the weak.

You&#039ve just had your 20th cup of tea within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon at 4 o&#039clock just so the &#034milke doesn&#039t go bad over the weekend.&#034

You know from experience that caffeine tablets don&#039t dissolve in cola.

You wake up to Mountain Dew before switching to JOLT.

You have a mini-fridge under your desk…and a catheter.

You drink decaf by accident and slip into a coma.

Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.

You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.

You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.

Your tea kettle is next to the bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.

Your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.

The dishes in your house are all coffee mugs.

You see nothing wrong with using Water Joe (caffeinated water) to make the tea you use to take your No-Doze.

You believe that sleep is a poor substitute for sleep.

It&#039s 6:09 AM and you&#039re on your 2nd 20-oz cup of tea.

You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.

You&#039d rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than give up that first cup of tea in the morning.

So, there you have it. A long list of funny caffeine comments. I think I should go make a cup of tea so I&#039ll be able to sleep later tonight, hehe.

Posted: October 8, 2004 at half past eleven at night.