I have begun a new book. What has happened to all my other books, you ask? Ah, well, they’re still in the works. Skipping lightly over that, onto my new book project. I have decided to write a cookbook. All of the recipes (save for a few of the drink recipes) will feature as their main ingredient: brains! This is why the book will be entitled The Zombie Cookbook. 🙂 I asked around at the library yesterday if anyone knew any brain recipes, and they looked at me like I had grown a second head. I know people eat brain. Grandma Ringwald used to fry it up and eat it in a sandwich. So a little more looking, and I’m sure to have a lot of brain recipes for my book.

Honestly, I don’t expect anyone to actually make any of the recipes in this book; it’s just for fun! I’m going to draw pictures of zombies eating random stuff and have silly introductions for each of the chapters. I’ll publish it on Lulu just so I can have a bunch of copies made to give to my friends once it’s done. This was one of those ideas that I get really late at night, which means it wasn’t a very good idea, but a funny one at least.

I thought I’d put up the current introduction so you could all have a laugh at it. I find it amusing. 🙂

      After a long slumber in the earth, you are suddenly awakened through the magic of a voodoo witch, called forth for strenuous, manual labor. Perhaps you became a zombie through the infectious disease of a mad scientist or secret government installation, your body sapped from high fevers and debilitating transformation. What is the first thing on your mind? Food! And what better meal to fill you up after a long dirt nap or a serious illness? Why, the mind-boosting energy food: brains!

      Of course, uncouth zombies will rip and tear into the first living thing they see to get nourishment. Not you. No, you are a civilized zombie with civilized tastes. Perhaps if those other zombies would slow down and prepare their meals respectfully, humans would not hunt the zombie kind so much or with so much zealotry. No, for you, it’s all about taste, and good taste comes with good preparation.

      That is why this cookbook is for you! With this book, you can have your brains in many different ways to keep your undead flesh healthy and intact for as long as you can keep your limbs attached to lift a spoon. Variety is the spice of life, and adding spice to your brains will give you the variety you need to take over a city or even just haunt a crypt for the next hundred years. Mix and match courses to create an elegant dinner that even the living will be dying to attend!

      Mind you, as you well know, brain is not a firm or sturdy food. Brains are soft and squishy, much like the globules of fat that rim a ham steak or hang as fringe off strips of bacon. Therefore, much as you might enjoy it, you will not see recipes for brain steak or brain bacon. Instead, use brain to its fullest advantages in dishes such as pastas, purées, and sausages! Trust me, you’ll relish the results. Once you become adept at these recipes, strike out on your own and experiment! Remember, however, that simply striking a person on the head and inserting a straw draws too much attention. Take the time to cook your brains, and the humans will be none the wiser. Bon appétit!