Rushing into the principal’s office to get away from the upset secretary, the boy quickly shut the door behind him. The principal was on the phone, obviously waiting for the person on the line to respond since he was just holding the receiver up to his ear when the boy entered. Not wanting to interrupt, the boy moved to sit quietly in one of the large chairs in front of the principal’s large wooden desk. The principal talked to the person on the phone for a few minutes as the boy waited. Now that he was finally in the principal’s office, the boy’s nervousness grew. If the reactions he had gotten from the teacher, janitor, and secretary were any indication, the principal might not like what he had to say.

Finally, the principal ended the conversation and put the phone back in its cradle. Looking at the boy, he tried to remember who he was since the boy had never been in his office before. Eventually, he asked, “So what are you in here for?” Swallowing hard, the boy launched into the explanation he was rehearsing in his head. “Well, my teacher told us to go home and learn a new word, and I did. Then when I told it to her this morning, she told me to come see you.” The principal waited for more, and when the boy didn’t say anything else, he asked, “So what was the word?” “Pumpernickel,” said the boy.

Upon hearing the word, the principal stood and backhanded the boy so hard he flew over the back of the chair and landed hard. “Get out of my office! Get out of the school! You are hereby expelled!” Flabberghasted, the boy hopped to his feet and ran out the door, rushing past the still beet-ret secretary. Ignoring the rule to not run in the halls, he raced out of the school building. Now what? Going home made sense, so that’s the direction he headed. He didn’t live too far from the school, and along the way, he walked past a fat lady with a huge gaudy purse walking her small dog–one of those little yappy dogs that always manages to get underfoot and is constantly shaking like it has a nerve disorder or something.

Stopping the boy, the lady asked, “What are you doing out of school, young man? Are you playing hooky?” Taught to respect his elders, even ugly fat horribly dressed ones, the boy stopped to answer. “Well, the thing is that my teacher gave us an assignment to go home and learn a new word, and I did. When I told it to her this morning, she sent me to the principal’s office. When I told it to the principal, he sent me home. So I’m on my way home.” The large woman peered at him confused and asked, “What was this word?” “Pumpernickel,” the boy said. The woman shrieked as though she had been goosed and she started wailing on the boy with her heavy purse while her yappy dog bit the boy’s ankles and legs. Fleeing, the boy raced away down the street to get away from the attack. The world had indeed gone mad after all, it would seem.

To be continued…