Connotation vs. Denotation

Since today is the husband and my anniversary (I think; that whole date thing is kind of wiggy in my messy mind.), I thought I would use today’s TKT to talk about marriage. Marriage the word, that is, not necessarily all the silly aspects of it like the fact that I use too much garlic when I cook for us and he leaves his socks by the couch or that we’re two of the happiest people in the world together. Nope, not that stuff. I’m going to use the word marriage to talk about the linguistic ideas of connotation and denotation.

Denotation, simply put, is the meaning of a word. Think of it as the definition you would find in a dictionary. In this case, marriage means: “1a. the state of being married, b. the mutual relation of husband and wife, c. the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family; 2. an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected esp the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities; 3. an intimate or close union” (as in poetry or a painting) (Langenscheidt’s New College Merriam-Webster English Dictionary 1996). That may seem like quite a long definition (rather, three definitions for three different aspects of the word), but honestly, that’s pretty simply put. In general, if you ask people on the street to define marriage, you’ll get something along these lines, maybe with a little more or less added. That’s when you start getting into connotations.

Connotation is the use of the word, focusing mostly on implications and suggestions. The connotative use of a word may or may not have anything to do with what the word actually means. Connotation depends on pragmatics, the study of language in context–the relationship between signs or expressions (words, gestures, dialogue, intonation, etc.) and their users as well as the environment in which they occur. The fact that we’re now dealing with language in context (i.e. between people or groups of people), not just in a dictionary or in one person’s mental lexicon, is why connotation is so messy. Inside jokes, slang, and slurs are examples of connotation. For example, the word “cracker” is often thrown around in my little group of friends. A “cracker” may be defined as a saltine or some other crunchy baked good, but a “cracker” is also a slur (the usage defined by an inclusive group) to mean “white trash” or something along those lines. Yet me and my friends don’t even use it to mean that; we just like shouting “cracker” at each other as a rallying cry or to goof off. Its connotation, its use is something else entirely, and you can’t understand that just by knowing the denotation of “cracker,” its definition as a dry baked good (or party favor, or lying braggart, or something that cracks, or any number of its other definitions). The connotation depends on use which means it depends on the context as well as the people using it.

The thing with denotation and connotation that make them interesting, however, is that people often get use confused with meaning, and more often than not, this starts arguments and debates. It causes confusion and frustration as well. Often, a person will have a use set in their minds that they mistake for meaning. Personally, I use the word marriage in the sense of a legally-binding contract recognized by the government and larger society that is between two people so they can do their taxes together and claim each other on life insurance, etc. That’s my connotation, and I know that it’s my particular meaning but not the standard. Other people consider marriage a religious thing, the union of two people’s souls before a god or higher power. Some people use the word marriage to include only heterosexual relationships. To some people, marriage even has a negative value; they either don’t like the concept of marriage in general (i.e. they think everyone’s better off as single or they don’t believe people should be tied down to only one person), or they attach a pejorative meaning to it based on political or social views. Therefore, since we all have our own distinct uses for marriage such as the instances we would use the word (versus saying “union” or “wedding” or whatever) and we all have our own mental definition (which may or may not be like the one in the dictionary, i.e. the standard used by the larger population), we get confused or frustrated when someone else uses the exact same word in a totally different way, especially if we think our use the the correct one. If I’m talking to you about marriage and I throw the word around lightly and jokingly (Especially since I can barely remember my own wedding date; that’s how important that was!), but you consider marriage some holy event and bond, you’re probably going to be insulted and perplexed by me and my comments. If you start talking to me about marriage but talk about it as being only between heterosexual partners, I may think of you as homophobic or closed-minded. After all, my use of the word doesn’t specify gender though yours does.

The differences between connotation and denotation often make me wonder how they affect how people get along. After all, if I find people who have very similar connotations as me, then it’s likely that I’ll get along with them better because we won’t have to spend time arguing over the meanings of words (or the meanings of entire conversations, even) and we’ll misunderstand each other less, making for easier time spent together. However, people who don’t share my connotations are harder to get along with because I don’t always understand what they’re saying (because I don’t understand their usage and their usages aren’t always clear to me), and confusion and frustration are not good building blocks for a relationship. I don’t know that this is actually what happens, but it gives me food for thought. After all, I can get away with shouting “cracker” at my friends because they understand the context and what I mean by that. I probably shouldn’t start calling people on the streets here “crackers” because that would be a good way to get punched. Ian and my marriage is made easier by the fact that we both have similar ideas as to what marriage means. We both consider it something of a formality because if two people are deeply committed to each other–so committed that they plan on spending the rest of their lives together–they don’t need a god or religious cult or government to tell them they can love each other and live together forever. But that’s just us. Other people view it differently, and as you’ve noticed, we’re not with other people.

So there you have it: a hodge-podge mess of denotation (meaning) and connotation (use) in an over-simplified and truncated explanation using marriage as an example. So I just want to wish the husband “Happy Anniversary!” and I’m going to go spend the next several minutes trying to figure out exactly which anniversary this is. I’m not good with dates.