It starts around six, I think. Kitty wakes me up, yowling in my ear and crawling all over me. Rather than fight with her for the covers or for my rightful spot next to Ian, I decide instead to get up and go to the bathroom, a move which often dupes her into following me so that when I’m done, I can run back into the room and get my spot back. After going to the bathroom, however, she doesn’t follow me back, and I’m fine with that. Not too long after that, the phone rings. It confuses the hell outta me ’cause I’m still not used to the different ring of the phone we have in our room versus the one downstairs. I ask Ian if it was the alarm clock when he gets up to see who it is. Telemarketers. So we go back to sleep.

Enter Kitty again around seven or so. She climbs up on top of me which can be rather painful since I sleep on my sides and not my back or stomach. She starts stomping on my pillows which I yank out from under her (I hate the extra cat fur she gets on them as if I don’t inhale/ingest enough of it during the course of the day.) and push them to the corner where she can’t readily reach them. I try shutting her up by petting her so she’ll lie down, but after a minute, she’s gone again. Whatever.

The phone rings again. There’s a number listed but no name, so Ian comes back to bed after checking it on the caller ID box. Kitty comes back in a few minutes later after we both have settled, climbing up next to my face and meowing loudly near my nose. I toss a blanket up over her, hoping that if she just curls up next to me, she’ll shut up. Two or three minutes go by of listening to her motor purring under the blanket before she meows loudly and forces her way out from under it so she can climb over Ian and hop to the floor. Fine, whatever.

The phone rings yet again about a half hour later. I was just about to drift back off to sleep too, bastard phone. This time the caller ID box just says “Unknown” and Ian comes back to bed groggily. I’m not even sure he’s aware he keeps getting out of bed at this point. He doesn’t seem very awake. At any rate, almost as if on cue, Kitty comes storming back in, crawling all over me and trying to poke her nose under my blanket. I roll over to face the wall, leaving her in the no-man’s-land between me and the dozing husband. I should have pulled the blanket up over my head because not even a minute goes by before Kitty starts batting at the back of my head rather insistently with her paw. It almost feels like she’s trying to push me like a human would shake a person to wake them. I spin around and chide her for smacking me in the head, and Ian grins. He thinks it’s funny when she abuses me. Crazy husband. After some wriggling around with the cat trying to get her comfortable so she’ll shut up, she leaves and I bury my head under a pillow.

Phone. Again. At this point, I’m really close to throwing it out a window, or maybe at the cat; you know, kill two birds with one stone though honestly, I’d really rather not have to kill Kitty unless she starts summoning more small creatures into the house. Ian gets up for the phone again, and yet again, it’s unknown. At this point, it’s nine in the morning which wouldn’t be a bad time to get up had I not gone to bed at two and fallen asleep at three. @#$%^&* bastard phone people!

And the cat comes back. She climbs up on me, she climbs up on my pillows, she meows, she purrs, she’s generally a massive pain in the ass at this point. Ian’s already sick of her at this point because by keeping me up, she keeps him up since I have to struggle around and fight with her for room and blankets, thus upsetting his side of the bed. Not to mention the constant cursing at her for driving me crazy. That’s got to keep him up too. So he grabs her and tosses her off his side of the bed (My side’s on the wall so it’s far harder to just deposit her over the edge.) whereupon she hops back up and is on his stomach after three seconds have elapsed. Yay.

At this point, I just can’t take it anymore so I kick my blankets off and leave. Kitty follows me absolutely everywhere, leaving Ian alone in the bedroom to take over my half of the bed because it’s so warm. Putting more food in her dish and more water in her bowl doesn’t seem to distract her at all from her tormenting of me. Kitty walks between my legs, wraps herself around my foot while I’m washing my face, grabs laundry while I’m trying to sort it, and chases me down the stairs when I come down. While checking my comics, she comes up behind me and yells at me and wanders back and forth behind my chair. She even starts yelling at Ian when he comes down. Finally after giving her the silent treatment for a bit, she has left us alone for all of about twenty minutes now. I think that opening the blinds on one of the windows helped. Now it’ll just be my luck that she’ll ignore us both for the rest of the day since her objective of “drive the humans crazy” has taken effect. Psycho furball. We should start shutting her up in the bathroom when she pulls this shit. And maybe we should turn the ringers off on all the phones. How else are we going to get any sleep?