Okay, so note to self: never drive through Indianapolis during race weekend. Of course, not knowing that it&#039s a race weekend (and never caring about races in general to find out) doesn&#039t help. I was going to leave the Haute Friday, but after the long week and even the long day, I decided to wait until Saturday morning. I left at about seven, and what should have been about a two and a half or three-hour car trip turned into a four-hour &#034I&#039m gonna start killing people with my mind&#034 drama. Here&#039s the run-down:

I take off on I-70 bright and early with no caffeine (that was a dumb move) because I just want to get in the Mom-mobile and get there so I can not be on the road longer than I have to. Traffic is pretty normal, I guess. Not too heavy but not light enough for me to completely relax. I hadn&#039t driven to Muncie since January, but I was pretty sure I knew the route. I-70 to I-65 to highway 302 or 320, something like that. Piece of cake.

I-65 North pops up and I merge over and start off all happy until I notice that the next sign bearing I-65 on it also reads &#034Chicago.&#034 That&#039s not right. My intuition breaks in and tells me, &#034You&#039ve fucked up.&#034 I pull off onto 29th Street and into a Baptist church lot. Yanking the maps from the glove compartment, I see that it&#039s not &#034I-65&#034 but &#034I-69&#034 that I need. Fuck.

So now I need back on I-70. Shouldn&#039t be too bad; I just need a south-bound street which intersects. I get back on 29th Street (a three-lane one-way) and see Meridian ahead (major street). Only problem is I&#039m in the center lane and a school bus and van are blocking the right lane. So I drive another four blocks until I can get over, take another right and am headed toward Meridian. Amazingly enough, I have no problem taking a left onto the street which normally is wall-to-wall madness by now. The light traffic makes me happy though until I notice that there are cops…everywhere. Lined up on either side of the road at intersections and on the sidewalk are cops, cop motorcylcles and cop cars. Then the streets are lined with fold-out chairs and boy scouts and people with floppy hats and camera crews. &#034They&#039re going to have a parade here soon,&#034 thinks I. Oh well, I just need to turn off onto I-70 and it&#039ll all be fine. No. The cops have blocked of that exit and a blue cloud of obscenities fills the Mom-mobile. They finally funnel the last half dozen of us cars, trucks, and vans off Meridian down Michigan Avenue, a four-lane one-way west. Fuck.

I figure I really need another south-bound street when I see signs on Michigan that point to I-70 in both directions. Awesome! Except I&#039m in the left lane and the exit to I-70 East is in the right lane. A quick glance over the shoulder to see that there are no cars there and I barrel across all four lanes and onto the exit ramp. Dandy.

So now I&#039m on I-70, and I need to find I-69. I&#039m driving along all happy past 465 (the loop which goes around Indy) on I-70 to Dayton when that damned intuition kicks in again. 465? Wasn&#039t there something about 465 in there that I should be paying attention to? Shit. I think I was supposed to take that to I-69. Brilliant. So I head on until I hit a town where I can pull over to check the map again. Yup. Should have taken 465 which is merged with I-69 until I-69 breaks off and goes by Muncie. So I&#039m sitting in Greenfield wondering if I want to drive all the way back to Indy to get on 465 when I notice that the highway I&#039m on actually takes me up past Muncie as well. I&#039ll just hop back on Highway 9 until it crosses over I-69 and be done with it.

Well, that worked out but by accident. Highway 9 merges with I-69 and at that point I knew where I was and what exit I needed and all that. Once at Nick&#039s four hours later, I called Ian to tell him I wasn&#039t coming back Sunday because there was no @#$%^&* way I was @#$%^&* driving through @#$%^&* Indy because of the @#$%^&* race.

At Nick&#039s, we watched Star Wars III in the theater, watched Spiderman II, King Arthur, Terminator III, and the Italian Job at his place, and I got to see a lot of Matrix On-line as well. Monday morning bright and early, I got up and headed out, leaving Muncie at seven. Traffic was nil or light all the way to Greencastle where it picked up a bit. I stopped in Brazil for gas and managed to get home by nine. Two hours. It took me two hours to get home when it took me four hours to get there. Sometimes, I hate driving.